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Author Topic: Let's play AoD!  (Read 562843 times)
Claw
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« Reply #885 on: March 19, 2008, 08:25:14 pm »

Well, since this has become such a popular topic, I'll chime in as well.

In AoD 38:  Should be "Master", with a capital M.
Really? I didn't think the English were so fond of capitalisation.

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In AoD 39: Should be "Loremaster" (capital L), I believe.  I suppose it depends on the prestige of the postion.
It should? Damn, I am so helpful today I can't believe I haven't been given a medal yet.

I am baffled, though. I was under the impression titles are only capitzalised when they are part of a name - "Loremaster Feng" - but not when used independently: "Feng, the loremaster."

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"Noble-born" might work better as "nobleman", but I can't recall whether or not you can play as a female character.
I believe "noble" would suffice as well. Or if that sounds too mundane, he could say "someone of noble blood" which also has the advantage of sounding suitably pretentious.

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Antidas is a Lord, no?  If so, he is more likely to have someone else rip your tongue out rather than do it himself "Antidas will have your tongue ripped out for that."  Also, it would read better as "Antidas will have your tongue ripped out for this."
That's true.

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In AoD 41:  "He did, didn't he?" should be "He did, did he?"
I agree with that. The first sounds reaffirming, the second sarcastic.

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"That's Master Feng's job to assure people...." might work better as "Master Feng's job is to assure people...", considering the context.
Nah, that doesn't sound right. Where the heck is cardtrick's suggestion? This thread contains too many posts.
Anyway, it should be: "That's Master Feng's job - to assure people...."

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In AoD 44:  "talents" might work better as just "talent" in that context.  Also, one line could stand to be split into two  i.e. "Don't worry, I'm a good judge of talent.  And since I don't see any, your tasks will be relatively simple."
That's a very good suggestion.

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In AoD 48:  "Not much to tell you." works slightly better as "Not much to tell."
I'm not terribly fond of either, to be honest, but that may be mostly a matter of taste. I'd prefer a more "complete" sentence: "I don't have much to tell you."

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"...don't have enough money and people..."  seems like it should be "...don't have enough money or people...", but I don't know why I feel that way.
Because he means they have neither enough money nor enough people. It's not the summation that's lacking but both money and people independently.

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"...something we don't know about it..."  should be "...something we don't know about...".
Three times a charm.  Wink
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Dr.Strangelove
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« Reply #886 on: March 19, 2008, 08:54:57 pm »

"...something we don't know about it..."  should be "...something we don't know about...".
Three times a charm.  Wink
[/quote]
Sorry about that, I didn't notice you had already pointed that out(I am the second who posted).
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Claw
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« Reply #887 on: March 19, 2008, 10:04:56 pm »

I might be able to forgive you if you also deleted your impertinent post.  Wink
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Dr.Strangelove
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« Reply #888 on: March 19, 2008, 11:53:15 pm »

It's done and, thus, the Cosmic Order has been restored... Smile
« Last Edit: March 20, 2008, 12:05:13 am by Dr.Strangelove » Logged
Helian
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« Reply #889 on: March 20, 2008, 06:12:42 am »

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In AoD 48:  "Not much to tell you." works slightly better as "Not much to tell."
I'm not terribly fond of either, to be honest, but that may be mostly a matter of taste. I'd prefer a more "complete" sentence: "I don't have much to tell you."

...Or maybe "There's not much to tell you."? I think Vince aimed at keeping it impersonal.

And I think "could be found at the local inn" in Aod52 should be "can be found at the local inn"; at least if the player is sure of Cassius' location (yeah, I was too lazy to dig through the last 10+ pages to find out).
« Last Edit: March 20, 2008, 06:15:18 am by Helian » Logged
MaximB
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« Reply #890 on: March 20, 2008, 06:24:40 am »

Guys, I am aware of your good intentions, but it will take forever to "correct" every little "mistake" Vince might have made.
If it's not something very important I suggest to just leave it.
Or on the other hand, just join the AoD team Wink
 
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Palmer Eldritch
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« Reply #891 on: March 20, 2008, 06:30:31 am »

yeah, although it is a bit weird to me that the text to be used in the game wasn't initially proofread, i think typos and errors could be pointed out by beta-testers or addressed in a subsequent patch.
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Helian
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« Reply #892 on: March 20, 2008, 10:50:40 am »

Guys, I am aware of your good intentions, but it will take forever to "correct" every little "mistake" Vince might have made.
If it's not something very important I suggest to just leave it.
Or on the other hand, just join the AoD team Wink
 

Why not get an editor? Or an editing team? As I already pointed out some time ago, there are some very enthusiastic people here on the board who would be willing to do that for free in their spare time. Assuming that AoD's release won't be any earlier than autumn 2008, which is a more than reasonable guess, that leaves enough time for correcting a good portion of the text (just errors, no fancy stuff like subtle changes of meaning and/or tone). I'd be interested in Vince's opinion...
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MaximB
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« Reply #893 on: March 20, 2008, 11:35:00 am »

Guys, I am aware of your good intentions, but it will take forever to "correct" every little "mistake" Vince might have made.
If it's not something very important I suggest to just leave it.
Or on the other hand, just join the AoD team Wink
 

Why not get an editor? Or an editing team? As I already pointed out some time ago, there are some very enthusiastic people here on the board who would be willing to do that for free in their spare time. Assuming that AoD's release won't be any earlier than autumn 2008, which is a more than reasonable guess, that leaves enough time for correcting a good portion of the text (just errors, no fancy stuff like subtle changes of meaning and/or tone). I'd be interested in Vince's opinion...

It sounds like a good idea IF you don't mind the spoilers.
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Vince
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« Reply #894 on: March 20, 2008, 01:55:56 pm »

Why not get an editor? ... I'd be interested in Vince's opinion...
I've tried working with several great editors, but discussing hundreds of text files and suggestions is a very time-consuming process. I mean, look at this thread. We've gone through less than two quests and it's a 50-page thread already. So, if you want an editor, add another year. AoD has a LOT of text. The raiders quest alone is an 8-page document. It would take a long time to go through everything.

So, you have to decide whether or not my writing is good enough. I can promise you that the dialogues will have occasional typos, some grammar issues, and even some awkward phrases. If that's completely unacceptable, we'll get an editor. Otherwise, we'll go with what we have.

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cardtrick
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« Reply #895 on: March 20, 2008, 02:16:31 pm »

What about 10 or 20 volunteer editors? Divide up the dialog into, say, 10 parcels. Then distribute one parcel to each volunteer, who will go ahead and make edits. Then have the volunteers switch off, so that each volunteer is now editing a parcel that's already been edited once. They then make their own edits, and if there are any disagreements with the previous edits, they work it out with the previous editor. If unable to settle it between them, Vince comes in as a final arbiter.

Then you get each dialog checked twice by external editors, who don't have to be paid. Each editor only has to do 1/5 of the whole job, so the game won't be spoiled for them (I'd volunteer to do that, but there's no way I'd want to ruin the game for myself by editing the whole thing).

There would be some refinements -- you'd want to be careful not to include any endings or essential scenes, and it would be best if you could make the parcels noncontinuous, so that any dialog gets broken up between all 10 parcels. That way no one could make much sense of what they're reading, which would both avoid spoilers and make sure that the editors are just editing the copy rather than the story.

I bet Nick could whip up a script to automatically generate those parcels and parse them into a readable format from the dialog files, and then reassemble them into the correct dialog files after edits have been made. (I have thoughts on how to do that if it's not obvious.)

Thoughts? I don't want to criticize your writing, because as I've said a number of times -- I think it's really good. But everyone needs an editor, and non-native speakers need one more than most. So yeah, if you want the game to have a professional level of quality, you do need some kind of editing scheme.
« Last Edit: March 20, 2008, 02:18:49 pm by cardtrick » Logged
callehe
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« Reply #896 on: March 20, 2008, 02:24:41 pm »

Outsource the editing to India I say. It's cheap, they're good in English and they probably don't mind the spoilers. Grin
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Vince
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« Reply #897 on: March 20, 2008, 02:32:13 pm »

What about 10 or 20 volunteer editors?
It's not about the editors. It's about me not having enough time to deal with one editor, not to mention 10 or 20.

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Thoughts? I don't want to criticize your writing, because as I've said a number of times -- I think it's really good. But everyone needs an editor, and non-native speakers need one more than most. So yeah, if you want the game to have a professional level of quality, you do need some kind of editing scheme.
I'm not saying that my writing is great and awesome. I'm well aware that English isn't my first or even the second language. Unfortunately.
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MaximB
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« Reply #898 on: March 20, 2008, 02:46:44 pm »

As a non native English speaker I don't mind the grammar, I just don't see most of it and I can accept it as it is now.
It is understandable and let's face it, if we are to "repair" the dialogs the game won't be released this year, I don't think that Iron Tower can afford waiting another year.
 
« Last Edit: March 20, 2008, 02:50:04 pm by MaximB » Logged
cardtrick
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« Reply #899 on: March 20, 2008, 02:48:00 pm »

That's the point of having the editors swap off after doing their first parcel -- that way they correct each other and you only have to get involved if there's a dispute. I assume you would probably do random spot checks to make sure that the editors were doing a decent job, but you wouldn't have to deal with each of them individually all the time. Like I said, I'm pretty sure Nick could whip something up to export your dialogs as randomized parcels. Probably the coding would involve breaking the dialog into sections and assigning a unique 20 digit number to each section which would be outputted before and after the corresponding block of text in the reader-friendly version. Then the volunteer editors make their changes inside that block, and Nick's program scans through all the files and inserts the edited text back into the proper sections using the unique ID numbers.

Probably a day of work for him, and a while longer for you identifying those sections that you definitely don't want to have edited and getting and organizing a crew of editors that you trust. Then just let them (us?) go to it, and the editing should be able to proceed more or less autonomously. Maybe have a weekly meeting by instant messenger or just a group email list to keep track of progress and make sure none of the editors are getting too far behind, but otherwise I don't think this would take too much of your time.

On the other hand, if you don't get an editor I'll still play (and almost certainly love) the game. It probably won't have much impact on anyone's enjoyment, and you could make sure to tell your beta testers to keep an eye out for any particularly egregious errors to get the worst of it taken care of (probably want to implement saving a log to a file  with a single keypress during the beta test anyway, so the testers can just do that if they see anything bad).

If you don't go with the parcel thing or some other scheme to get all the text edited, I do still think you should get an editor or two to at least look over all the vignettes and the first several quests -- maybe even the whole first town. It's a little like cheating, I guess, but that way people get a chance to fall in love with the game before getting turned off by some awkward sentences or typos. And that way the professional game reviewers simply never see anything bad!
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