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Author Topic: Game (and demo) endings  (Read 30349 times)
Vince
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« on: August 18, 2009, 07:15:35 PM »

We're experimenting with the endings. Yeah, I know it's a combat demo, but it does have some choices and we thought it would be nice to have some final words. I wrote something quick and lulzy, which was criticized and rejected. Then I woke up Gareth and here is what we came up with:

This is 1 out of 14 (if you count all options) endings:

* * *

The arena champion stumbles backwards, sword falling from his hands as he tries to stop the blood gushing from his wound. His eyes lose focus and he falls slowly to the sand. You are the champion now. Twenty people who fought against you paid for your new title with their lives. Not bad, all things considered. Some people kill a lot more and end up with a lot less.

The Arena Master greets you with a wide smile. It better be sincere. The fucker made a fortune on you.

"I have received two job offers for you." Charging for his services, no doubt. "Lord Antidas would like to offer you Dellar's job. You'll be his right hand man, in charge of mercenaries and 'special projects', undoubtedly involving killing Gaelius' people. Teron is a shithole, of course, but the post is important. "

You consider this prospect as he continues.

"Lord Gaelius wants you to join his praetorian guards. It’s a modest position, but House Aurelian is the most powerful House. The future belongs to them, so it might be unwise to bet on the underdog. "

A praetorian guard? You, the Champion of the fucking Arena? He's gotta be fucking kidding. It's almost an insult. What did one of the dead Emperors say? "I'd rather be first in command of a village than second in the capital city." Teron it is then.

You return to the inn, order a round of drinks just to get people off your back, and go upstairs. Before you have a chance to take off your armor, the Imperial Guards open the door with a kick. Right, you killed Carbo, their captain. You almost forgot, but they sure didn't. You have to pay for everything in this life, even when you do nothing wrong.

You have two options: fight six veteran soldiers or escape through the window. Neither option fits into your definition of a "good idea", but the window offers better odds. Before the guards realize what's happening, you are already outside, sliding down the roof. You land softly on your feet and disappear into the crowd. Several guards are sent after you, but they don't return.

A week later you arrive to Teron. The old man has problems with the Imperial Guards. Who doesn't these day? What's that saying? "Do unto others before they do it unto you." Looks like you will be busy for awhile...

* * *

Anyway, I thought about using this "storytelling" style for the game. You play the game and then read a short story about your adventures and choices you've made.

Btw, here is a really short ending.

* * *

You try to get up, but you can't. The puddle of blood around you is getting bigger. You know what it means, but you refuse to believe it. It can't end like this. You try to say something, but almost choke on the blood and pass out.

Later on the slaves pick up your body and drag it to the dump. You're still alive when they throw your body into a large pile of rotting corpses and waste - your final resting place. The smell is nauseating. You start praying for a merciful death, but the gods are busy and you have to wait for hours until your wish is granted.

* * *

Then Oscar decided to attach each paragraph to a screen. Work in progress, of course. Suggestions in regard to the font and presentation are welcome.


[attachment deleted to save space]
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Gregorus Prime
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« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2009, 07:28:50 PM »

I'm not sure you have enough instances of the word "fuck" in there. Throw in a few more for good measure.
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Sodomy
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« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2009, 07:36:13 PM »

"It better be sincere" should be "It had better be sincere".
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Morbus
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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2009, 07:40:26 PM »

The death final is cheesy and cliché, but it's so fucking well written it embraces you in its whole meaning. God damn it, I wish I could write like that.

Well, I actually can, but only in Portuguese. Still... :3
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galsiah
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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2009, 09:37:15 PM »

"It better be sincere" should be "It had better be sincere".
I don't know that grammatical exactitude is the way forward, given that the next words are "The fucker...". I don't think the 'had' fits with a character who has the personality / is in the mood to start his next thought with "The fucker".
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Wrath of Dagon
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« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2009, 10:31:46 PM »

I'm not sure you have enough instances of the word "fuck" in there. Throw in a few more for good measure.
That's what I was thinking too.
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Jeff Graw
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« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2009, 11:55:46 PM »

Sooo... you actually get to choose which offer to accept, right? There are breaks in the storytelling mode where you can make choices?

Pretty sure what the answer will be, but I just want to make sure.
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Dicksmoker
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« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2009, 11:55:59 PM »

Yeah the profanity feels a little out of place for that type of era. Feels too modern. I think "fuck" should mostly be used in regards to sex and not much else. That would feel more realistic. So having it as a verb is good, and maybe occasionally as an adjective, but as an adverb and noun it's really quite jarring.
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Oscar
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« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2009, 12:17:00 AM »

Sooo... you actually get to choose which offer to accept, right? There are breaks in the storytelling mode where you can make choices?

Pretty sure what the answer will be, but I just want to make sure.

Yes. The ending is a recapitulation of your choices and the consequences after them.
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MaximB
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« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2009, 02:07:12 AM »

It's a Combat Demo we are talking about, right ?
The one in which you fight in the arena....?
What choices will you have ? could you choose who to fight with ? will there actually be "quests" ?
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Gareth
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« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2009, 03:03:23 AM »

Quote
I'm not sure you have enough instances of the word "fuck" in there. Throw in a few more for good measure.

I've mentioned that I find the swearing anachronistic, but Vince likes it, so...*shrug*

Quote
"It better be sincere" should be "It had better be sincere".

Fits the character. "Street tough" style of speech.
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Gregorus Prime
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« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2009, 03:33:02 AM »

Forget anachronisms. I'm talking about poor writing. I feel that the word "fuck" is like salt: the right amount can bring out the flavor of pretty much anything, but use too much and it's all ruined. Overusing the word causes it to lose its impact, and it starts to just look silly.

Call the arena master a "bastard," get rid of the two "fuckings" in the praetorian guard line, and it still gets the point across.
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luckyb0y
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« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2009, 04:31:19 AM »

I also dislike the excessive profanity. It sounds like your character is either a ghetto thug or an insecure teenager throwing expletives left and right to make himself look tough. I'm not advocating going all PC and bowdlerising your game, but as Gregorus Prime said it works great if used sparingly and not at all if you overdo it. That is definitely overdone.

Ditch the filter. It looks dreadful. You can tell in an instant it's a photoshop filter and many people probably recognize which one. Either change it to slight blur, b&w/sepia or reduce the amount so it's not so obvious. I'm not sure if it actually improves anything. It would look much better without it. Nevermind what people say. You have a nice looking game there. Show it off. Use camera angles and movement not possible in game, additional lighting etc. Well, maybe save that for the full game or we'll never see the demo.

Edit:
Maybe try some more "Roman" looking font.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 04:39:39 AM by luckyb0y » Logged

Gareth
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« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2009, 04:38:16 AM »

Quote
I also dislike the excessive profanity. It sounds like your character is either a ghetto thug or an insecure teenager throwing expletives left and right to make himself look tough. I'm not advocating going all PC and bowdlerising your game, but as Gregorus Prime said it works great if used sparingly and not at all if you overdo it. That is definitely overdone.

I agree, though Vince favours that type of Godfather style of gangster dialogue.

Quote
Ditch the filter. It looks dreadful. You can tell in an instant it's a photoshop filter and many people probably recognize which one. Either change it to slight blur, b&w/sepia or reduce the amount so it's not so obvious. I'm not sure if it actually improves anything. It would look much better without it. Nevermind what people say. You have a nice looking game there. Show it off. Use camera angles and movement not possible in game, additional lighting etc. Well, maybe save that for the full game or we'll never see the demo.

Seconded. I've seen this in both AoD and Cyclopean, please, don't use this filter guys. It is very obviously a photoshop filter and a cheap/tacky one at that. b&w/sepia or slight blur/texture overlay is a better direction.
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luckyb0y
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« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2009, 04:44:31 AM »

Quote
I also dislike the excessive profanity. It sounds like your character is either a ghetto thug or an insecure teenager throwing expletives left and right to make himself look tough. I'm not advocating going all PC and bowdlerising your game, but as Gregorus Prime said it works great if used sparingly and not at all if you overdo it. That is definitely overdone.

I agree, though Vince favours that type of Godfather style of gangster dialogue.

It's fine if you have a couple characters talking like that. Everyone knows a bloke that uses four-letter words as punctuation. If it pops up in every other sentence
in all dialogues, it becomes a caricature.
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