[Scott]

The purpose of the "writing" threads is to introduce long texts to be included in the game.  These texts typically refer, although sometimes obliquely, to available quests, locations or people.

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Interview With A Lunatic

As I mentioned, my last story took months to sort out, edit and get to a point where I wasn't embarrassed to put it up on the forum.  It occurred to me it might be the last short story length piece I write for Cyclopean.  Then I thought up the format for Interview With A Lunatic, and it took less than two weeks, start to finish.

Comments welcome.

[palios1902]

I really like it. Especially the arrogant doctor

[Morbus]

I haven't been following cyclopean* so please clarify me on this: what are these short stories for? Books in the game?

*I don't follow it because this pre-production stage seems mainly based around the setting rather than in gameplay mechanics, and since I want to know the setting through the game itself, not the forums, I just don't read this.

[Scott]

My usual disclaimer added at top.  All threads with short stories have a subject line starting with "writing:".  There are many more on subsequent forum pages and I also link them all from the main Cyclopean thread.

[renkin]

...lapping up against me light icy water, pressing on me from all sides...

A typo, I suspect?

Anyhow, it was a nice read. That doctor is insane.

[Gauntt]

Scott I really enjoyed this one as well. It didn't draw me in as much as 'The Curious Manuxet Medicine Man' but I think that is more due to the less personal format. Rather then any deficiencies within the writing.

Keep em coming. Is this another one that will be presented as a single version of text?

I assume we will get to explore this story further in game?

[Scott]

Gauntt, I'm glad you liked it.  With this story I thought of the format first:

(click to show/hide)

a patient file from Sefton Asylum wherein a sadistic doctor grills a perfectly sane(?) patient accused of murder.

The previously unnamed Ward Rockwell was already conceived as a minor NPC with whom the player could have one encounter.  So IWAL ended up being a long-winded backstory for that NPC.

All stories presented on the forum either lead into, or further explore, some in game event, NPC or location.

[Scott]

Version updated sans typo.  It is indeed ...lapping up against me like icy water, pressing on me from all sides...

[Foster]

I think the writing is great as usual. I came across that thread on the Codex where some people whined about typos and some grammar mistakes on your texts. Really, don't mind it. You are doing great.

What some people don't understand is that typos and grammar mistakes are unavoidable when English is your second language, and it's also quite clear you are just presenting WIP's. Just getting someone to proofread the text and fix the mistakes solves the whole situation.

[FireStomp]

What some people don't understand is that typos and grammar mistakes are unavoidable when English is your second language.

I thought English was Scott's native language. Huh.

[GarfunkeL]

And the Codex complainer wasn't really bitching about typo's but some really advanced grammar stuff. I mean, I'm very good at english (as a 2nd language) and I have the certificates and grades to prove it, yet much of that was discussed there went way over my head since I've never studied literacy.

[renkin]

I think the writing is great as usual. I came across that thread on the Codex where some people whined about typos and some grammar mistakes on your texts. Really, don't mind it. You are doing great.

What some people don't understand is that typos and grammar mistakes are unavoidable when English is your second language, and it's also quite clear you are just presenting WIP's. Just getting someone to proofread the text and fix the mistakes solves the whole situation.

I know you're not talking about me here, but I still want to say that I in no way meant to whine in my previous post. I merely pointed out the only typo I noticed while reading the text.

EDIT: Fixed typo.

[Foster]

What some people don't understand is that typos and grammar mistakes are unavoidable when English is your second language.

I thought English was Scott's native language. Huh.

My bad, I thought I read someone mention that his native language was not English.

[Scott]

Actually, I am the only native English speaker at ITS.*  I want to hear about the typos.  I go over the text a dozen times, but it's hard to type up a 20-page story and not miss something.  The advanced grammar complaints are often meaningless.  I've got a firm grasp on the language and my inclusion of colloquialisms is usually intentional.  That said, I want to hear those too, just in case.

If I didn't want to be criticized, I would just print the stuff out and read it softly to myself in my room, by candlelight, lips moving, and occasionally whispering Yes! This is so right.  So complain away!

*no idea if this is actually true

--EDIT-- Hey, lots of people said nice things about TCMMM on the Codex.  I keep forgetting to check up on what they think.  One dude who rants on and on about the grammar apparently missed that the format is a personal journal from the 18th century, which gives me TOTAL license to fuck it up any way I want!

[Foster]

I guess there is no harder public than the rpg crowd. Most gamers are happy with shiny graphics, but these rpg player, no sir, they want the world! no more and no less.

I guess every developer will have to face several relentless trolls and compulsive whiners, no matter what.

[baby arm]

Not a comment on the writing, but you might want to consider posting future examples as regular text rather than a pdf download. People are generally lazy and won't make any additional effort beyond clicking the original link. I can think of more than a few times where I didn't bother reading a press release sent to me or an article at a developer's site because they made it a .doc or .pdf download rather than just putting the text there to read.

[Scott]

It's a consideration, true.  This is only the second time I've posted a .pdf and the reason is the formatting.  There is a lot of italicization in the document and rather than go through and add tags it's easier to just convert it.  Also, by adding tags I would create a second version of the file.  When I make changes, do I change the tagged file and forget about the much easier to read original, or do I change the original and face having to add all the tags again some other time?

[Sleet]

I think the .pdf format of this interview and diagnosis by the doctor works well in the stark white document. Lends it a medical feel..
Downloading and reading the document is not an issue for me. If I am interested in a subject I will go the extra few clicks to access.

[One Wolf]

Excellent piece.

[Resch]

Scott, I have to print anything longer than a page since I'm too easily distracted when at the computer, so it makes no difference for me whether you put those up as .pdf or plain text.

Anyway, I really liked it. I was sceptical at the beginning, I think the general idea of "grilling" perfectly sane people by mad doctors is a bit of a cliche. But the story got me genuinely hooked, so consider yourself fully successful.

As for the critique, I can only come up with some nitpicks:

- I don't know much about their etymology, but "lab", "stuff" and "knocking something down a notch" seemed bit too modern
- on page 3, "There didn't appear to be any way to open it, so I had let it be", why the "had"? With it present it seems that Barton first let it be and then noted that there was no way to open it
-[edit] similarly, in the preceding sentence "His invention, which had caused him such mental strain, I had taken to be (...)" it seems to me it should be just "took"

IWAL is the first one I've read, but I'll be sure to check out the rest sometime soon. I hope it's just as good.